My Life Story: Kelliann Robinson
I grew up in a Christian home and I can never remember a time when my family did not go to church.
Through out my life, I tried hard to be a good Christian and I can remember getting baptized when I was 11 years old. I really wanted with all my heart to make God proud of me but I always felt that there was something missing, there was something wrong. It was a nagging feeling in the back of my mind and I could never quite figure out what it was.
Then at sixteen, through some complicated factors, I finally figured out what had been hanging over my head for all these years. I came to the realization that I had been molested by a family friend. This pushed me over the edge and caused me to become angry at the man who hurt me and at my parents. But my anger was mainly directed at God. How could He allow this to happen to me?
There was something unique about my situation because although I was angry at God, I never stopped believing Him. He was always real, and so was Jesus and His death, but I was so angry and bitter that I started to resent God. I remember being away at University and someone asking me about this. “How can you believe in God?”
I said I believed that God was real and you could see it in nature itself. His work was everywhere from the stars in the sky to the smallest atom in our bodies. Everything He created was specific and for a purpose, whether we understood it or not.
My friend’s next question was, “So why don’t you live like a church person?” My only answer was that for some reason God did not protect me and so I wanted nothing to do with Him. We never talked about God again after that incident.
From about the age of 17, I started to live my life like the world told me I should. Everything was about me. After living this way for many years, I woke up alone, scared and even more broken then ever before.
By living my life as the world said I should, I had alienated all my friends and some of my family. Yet there was a group of friends that I had who still allowed me to hang out with them despite my crazy life. I started to realize that I wanted what they had.
After an especially disastrous time, I came home and cried my heart out. I found a book called the Promise Book of the Bible and started to read about God’s life-changing love and forgiveness. These verses spoke deeply to me and I gave my life back over to God.
I told Him that I was ready to give my life to Him and to live a life that would make Him proud. Suddenly, I felt a great relief, a complete feeling of love and peace. From that moment on, I knew that God was always there for me, loving me, and supporting me through everything. His love was the perfect love that I had been searching for and He was able to fill that whole in my heart that no one else could.
Now, I don’t want you to think that my life has been all roses and hearts since that day. There have been times that I have struggled and I have made many mistakes. However, when I look at my life as a whole, I am deeply at peace. God has continued to love and guide me since that day. My life is better than anything I dreamt about as a child.
You know when you are a kid and someone asks you what you want to be when you grow up. My answer was that I always wanted to be a mom. My dream has come true with three beautiful children and a husband who is a gift from God.
Throughout the years, I have worked in different volunteer positions as Bendale and I have enjoyed every one of them. As I have changed during those times, so have the positions.
Currently, I am a very proud member of the VBS committee and the women’s committee. I really enjoy working with these godly women who are a blessing to me in so many ways. I have recently started to do some work for the children’s ministries but I am unsure where that is going to take me in the future.
There are a few things that I hope you will remember and take to heart. That God is a perfect and holy God, and that Jesus’ blood is the only thing that can wash us clean. God’s love is the only perfect love that will never leave us or forsake us. Moreover, that only God can truly heal a broken and wounded heart. No matter how hard I tried, only He could complete me and make me new.
Kelli Robinson, OWI Youth Leader